For those new to my blog, this is me:
I'm, obviously, a paraplegic. I have been since I was a child. I've been disabled for 32 years and am extremely independent. Back to my semi-rant.
I sometimes feel that I look helpless. Nothing has changed in my health, body, or how I get around at all, but I find more people offering me help lately. That's not a big deal; I appreciate the kindness of others. But people seem to be taking over for me a lot lately. I turn down an offer for help, they insist, and take over a task I'm doing, or take something I'm doing away from me. I know I should probably just lighten up, but it is honestly taking my taking my independence and dignity away. It's frustrating and embarrassing.
For example, I was transferring into my car one day and someone approached me. I had just taken the brakes off of my wheelchair to begin tearing it down. (Note: I have a video on how I do this on my blog. I will link it below.) He asked me if I needed help, to which I cheerfully replied, "No, but thank you!" He then proceeds to take ahold of my wheelchair, move it away from me, and go on to say, "No, really, let me help. What do you need me to do?" Now, mind you, I was tired and had a horrible headache at that time, so I told him, "You can kindly put my wheelchair right back where it was. Thank you!" I was actually livid and drove my tush to Starbucks and got some coffee to calm down, and caffeine for my headache.
Another example, I was at Publix. I had just gotten in line and was unloading my very full cart. I felt someone get in line behind me. A woman comes up to me and asks if I needed help, to which I, again, told her, "no, but thanks!" She said, "Here, I'll do it." There was no stopping her. I was so embarrassed.
I know, I know; I seem really rude, testy, and unkind towards people who are just trying to help me. But think about this: as people get into their Golden Years, we try to do everything we can to help them keep their dignity, correct? Let them do what they are still capable of doing, not talking to them like they are children while they are still quite lucid, etc. The same goes for people like myself. Not taking "no" for answer in these cases is embarrassing. It's saying to someone, "I know you say you can do x,y, z, but I'm going to do it for you anyway." The reason people do this is because it makes themselves feel better. They did a good deed for someone disabled.
I've worked extremely hard to get to where I am now. When I had my car accident, I spent a lot of time in occupational therapy. OT is therapy that teaches you how do to daily tasks that you now have to do in a different way. For example, I had to learn how put on socks and shoes without lifting my feet, how to get dressed while not standing, things everyone does in their daily life. I also had to learn how to open and close doors in a wheelchair, how to go up AND down ramps, and how to acquire balance in a wheelchair. When I got older, I had a therapist teach me how to get in and out of cars. You get the picture.
I'm not shy about asking for help, or accepting help when it's offered and I truly need it. Really, I'm not. I truly don't know what to do in these kind of situations, other than just keep my mouth shut and quietly seethe. I know people's intentions are good and 99% of the time; people are just trying to be nice. But I did need to vent about this. I guess it goes back to my major complaint about being disabled: you are never invisible.
Link to blog about car transfers:
http://poohskitten.blogspot.com/2013/10/ta-da.html
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