Anxiety Update

FULL DISCLAIMER: This is my experience. No one has the same struggle and anxiety is different with every individual. Please consult professionals for health advice!

TMI! You've been warned!

2018 was a an interesting year dealing with anxiety. For the most part, I managed it well, but it was still a struggle. Back in November, I gave my problem a lot of thought and thought there had to more I could be doing. The thing I could never get out of my mind was how I seemed to develop anxiety almost overnight. One day I was fine, and the next day the rooms were closing in on me on a regular basis. The best way to describe the feeling is to watch season 3 of Netflix's Daredevil. The character of Dex/Bullseye has was sounds like a beehive in his head during his moments of panic. That is EXACTLY what my anxiety felt like!!!! While watching the show with my husband, I actually paused the show and said, "That! That is anxiety, RIGHT THERE!" Of all places to identify, Daredevil. AWESOME series, you should totally watch it, if you haven't already.

Back to November.

I evaluated everything I was doing to manage and what I could be doing more/differently. I tracked my anxiety back and when it actually started. What was going on in my life? I nailed down when I began to feel panicked and you could have knocked me over with a feather. I started taking Nora-BE back in December of 2015. I was having horrible menstrual cramps and begged my doctor for help. After trying a few kinds, I landed on Nora-BE. Thankfully, it helped my cramps and I could live my life again.

I gave it a lot of thought and decided to come off the pill to see what happens. I told myself that if I got 50% relief from my anxiety but had horrible cramps, I would be perfectly ok with that. That was a trade-off I was willing to make. Within a few days, I began to feel a huge difference. I had reached a point in my life where I couldn't be in a tight, stagnant crowd without the head buzzing, a blinding headache, and the feeling of panic. This horrible feeling was gone. Not lessened, which was my tentative hope, but gone.

I took my last dose of Nora-BE on Thanksgiving evening. I'm feeling so much better, both physically and mentally. Another surprise, my cramps are just fine. I've had 2 cycles since I stopped the pill and they haven't been bad at all. I've also turned 40, so that may make a difference as well. Medication affects people in different ways, and long term, this one made my life very difficult. After coming off the pill, I feel so much more present in my body, if that makes sense. Before stopping the pill, I went and read the side effects/possible side effects of this particular pill. Good grief, no wonder I had anxiety! I really kicked myself for not considering this earlier, but I truly had never thought my anxiety was a result of the pill.  Lesson learned.

Like I started this blog with, this is MY experience. I'm not suggesting that anxiety can be magically cured by coming off a medication. I also believe that meds have helped people with anxiety and depression and I am not anti-meds for these. I'll end this too-long by encouraging anyone who has had anxiety issue like mine to please talk to a doctor. It took me a long time to admit that I was having a problem, a long time to not be embarrassed about it, and a long time to realize and take comfort that I wasn't alone. I isolated myself and didn't participate in a lot of things I normally would have in the past. It really took over my life. If you see a doctor and don't feel heard or understood, see someone else!

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back *le sigh*

I never, EVER had intentions to make this blog a source to write about my disability. That was never my goal. But lately it seems like I am facing more issues not only with people, but with businesses. I feel that in 2019, basic accessibility in public places should be a done deal. Sadly, this is not the case.

I came into my local Starbucks with the intention of blogging. I didn't blog much at all last year and I miss it. Anyway, as I came into the store, I realized I hadn't actually been inside in awhile, just gone through the drive-thru. (You know my sitting and chilling heart belongs to Lasaters, but I digress.) My mouth dropped open as I came in and looked for a place to set up my laptop.

It may not be evident to the average eye looking at the room without being here, so let me explain. There were 4 tables in the store that were accessible, but they were all taken. The rest of the store had been filled with 2 long rectangular tables instead. HIGH tables with stools, no less. Oooooook, I thought. Having no choice, I set up at the end of the table. I ended up sitting to the left of the man in the orange sweater. I make the best of what I've got. Here begins my frustration.

These pictures show the problem. My laptop is in front of me, my webcam at eye level with me. I'm typing on my laptop just a few inches shorter than shoulder level.

Starbucks, I ask you, in what world was this a good idea?! It isn't like I came in here and every available table was taken and I had nowhere to set up. Nothing at all wrong with that. You've made 50% of your establishment inaccessible to wheelchair users! A ton of other wheelchair users have chairs much more closer to the ground than mine. If they wanted to come in and use their laptop, they couldn't. Starbucks. A coffeehouse. Yes, the long, high table makes it possible to fit more people in here. The idea was spot-on, the end result just not wheelchair friendly. 🤦🏻‍♀️x 1,000,000

See you tomorrow, Lasaters. I won't be back inside this Starbucks until these high tables are gone.