Just a few little tidbits

I know I harp about my weight a lot. I know I've lost a lot and I'm aware that I come across difficult to please. Like I've said before, I post a lot of these before and after pictures mainly for myself. I need somewhere to come and take a moment to see how far I've come. I thought I would take minute to explain why I'm so hard on myself. But first, here's a really good body shot of me, before and after:

January 2012                                 November 2013

There's a huge reason I still see a fat girl when I look in the mirror. Due to my level of injury (T5-6), I have no stomach muscles, so to speak. This is kind of hard to explain, so bear with me. I can't do crunches or sit-ups because I have no control of those muscles. Case in point, when I am laying on my back, I turn on my side and sit up using my hands/elbows. I can't sit up without using my hands, if that makes sense. (I may make a video demonstrating this.)

All that said, I have a tummy. A rather big one. It's come a LOOOONG way since I started losing weight, but it's still there. Due to being a paraplegic, I will always have one, unfortunately. This is one of those things I just have to make peace with, unless I get plastic surgery, which I really don't want to do. I have excess skin there, just like anyone else who has lost a lot of weight, and I can't tighten those muscles up naturally. That's just the way it is.

There is one thing I have to remind myself about. Everyone has a bit of a gut while in a sitting position. When I push up on my tires and elongate my body*, my stomach is less noticeable. In that position I can really see the weight I've lost. Like I said in a recent blog, I'm really trying to give myself a break. I've visibly lost a lot of weight, gone down from a size 16W jeans to a 6/8, and am wearing M/L tops (you know how brands can vary, dangitall), and no longer have to shop in plus-sized sections of stores. My life has changed dramatically in the almost 2 years I've been on this journey. Not to mention, I feel awesome.

So please don't worry about me. I don't have an eating disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, or anything like that. I'm just striving to be the best I can be and am hard on myself. Also, I appreciate all of the kind words and encouragement I've received. Thanks to everyone for being so supportive! :-)

*This makes more sense to show than to write about. Feel free to ask me to demonstrate for you :-)